Fairy tale movies of the princess meeting her prince and falling in “love at first sight” and being “swept off her feet” can blind us to the reality of the tactics of abusers seeking out victims. It’s called ‘grooming’. Your ‘Prince Charming’ may actually be a ‘toad’ grooming you to be his next victim.
Grooming is the predatory act of maneuvering another individual into a position that makes them more isolated, dependent, likely to trust, and more vulnerable to abusive behavior.
Grooming can target a child for sexual abuse.
Grooming is used by gangs to draw others into their group.
Grooming is used by human traffickers to lure unsuspecting individuals into their trap.
Grooming is often used by domestic violence abusers to find their next victim.
How does grooming work? Groomers:
- Pick their target.
- Quickly seek to gain trust with their targeted victim.
- Fill a need, usually emotional, that the victim has.
- Begin the process of isolating the victim.
- Pressure the victim into sexual intimacy.
- Seek to maintain control of the victim.
- Escalate the control and increase the level of abuse.
How do you protect yourself from grooming tactics?
- Build relationships slowly. Don’t trust too soon. Don’t share too much too quickly.
- It they seem too good to be true, trust your ‘gut’. They probably are.
- If they are constantly pressuring you to do things that make you feel uncomfortable, that is a ‘red flag’. Don’t compromise your personal boundaries.
- If they are subtly trying to keep you from family and friends – pay attention. They may be trying to isolate you.
- Never blame yourself for someone else’s actions. If they refuse to take responsibly for their own actions – stay away!
- Darkness reigns in the secrecy. If they don’t want you to tell, that probably means you need to.
- Learn to say “No”. You have the right to say “no” to anything that make you feel uncomfortable.
Control is NOT love. The Safe Place can help you break free from abuse. Call 1-888-554-2501.
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