Summer is here and teens everywhere are excited because it is summer vacation! This means they can hang out with their friends and maybe even go to some parties with the boy or girl they had been crushing on throughout the school year. As a parent, the teenage years can be difficult navigating when your child is old enough to go and do things on their own. It is also challenging to decide how often you want them to check in with you so you know they stay safe while hanging out with their friends. They want their independence, but you know that the world can be a dangerous place and you would never want anything to happen to them or their friends. They may even want to go on their first date, but you are reluctant to let them go. We at The Safe Place understand your concerns, especially since teen dating violence happens at such a high rate. For this reason, we have some tips for you and your children.
First and foremost, we say to all parents: start a conversation about what is going on. Are they simply going to hang out with friends or going on a ‘date’? How often do you want them to check in? Should they call or is texting okay? Where are they going and for how long? The child may think you are just trying to nag them at first, but these are important guidelines for each person involved to understand. Let the children know you will be looking for them and calling them if they don’t check in at certain times or they are not back when they are supposed to be. This gives clear standards and it keeps you in ‘the know’ when it comes to all parties involved.
We also suggest having a conversation with your children about boundaries and their limits. Talk about the expectations for the date, their personal values and morals, what are they comfortable with (such as holding hands) and what is considered too far (such as kissing or more). Let them know they have the right to say ‘no’ at any point in time. If they feel uncomfortable in any way let them know that they can call and you will come get them. This is also a good time to talk about staying in public during the date (so there is less of a chance of something bad happening), especially if it is someone they don’t know very well.
It is also important to talk about drugs and alcohol before letting them go out. As much as we wish otherwise, most high school parties will have some sort of drugs or alcohol involved so it is important for your children to know to say no to those things, and to have a plan in place to make sure they don’t succumb to peer pressure. If you can have this conversation, and maybe even practice it with them, it will make it easier for them when the time comes for them to act in real life.
Remind your children to only hang out with people they know and trust. Let them know it is never a good idea to hang out with someone they started talking to online (but don’t know in real life), and help them understand why it is important to get to know a person well before actually going out on a date with them. It is hard to know the type of person they are if they haven’t hung out much or don’t have many friends in common. If they are wanting to go out with someone they don’t know, we suggest you meet them first and get their parents information as well.
To wrap up the conversation, talk to your teens about the signs of teen dating violence. One in three teens are a victim of dating violence, so it is something that happens more often than we would think. That is why we suggest talking about the signs so your teens can get out of the relationship before they become a victim. Things to look for include jealousy, easily becoming angry, controlling behaviors, being cruel towards animals or other people, isolating them from friends and family, threatening harm when angry, and blaming others for their problems. If they notice any of these signs it is important for them to get out of the relationship as soon as they can. They will likely need your help with this. You will want to make sure they can be safe when alone in public or in school if they go to the same school together.
Supporting your children when they try to gain their independence is a great thing, but it’s important to have conversations with your kids before letting them take that leap into the real world. Getting more information about what they are doing and getting to know the people they will be hanging out with is a great thing to do as a parent. For more information on teen dating violence, call The Safe Place at 501-354-1884 or our hotline at 1-888-554-2501, or our Perryville office at 501-889-2030.
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