Talking with someone is the best way to gain access to their thoughts and feelings. Children want to be understood and talked to just like any other person. They want to share their thoughts and feelings and know that an adult they trust will accept them for who they are. This gives children the basic social interaction and confidence they need to function in the outside world.
The first step in talking with your children is setting aside time to talk with them. For many people this is when they get home from school/work or at dinner time. Any time you are gathered together and have a moment is a good time to speak, but be sure to make it a regular activity.
The most important communication tip is not directly talking to your child but rather actively listening to your child. Active listening is different than simply listening to someone. Active listening requires your full attention to what is being said so as to absorb the information. When using active listening let the speaker talk, nod or say small affirmations (ok, mmhmm, right, sure) to let them know you are listening. Each time the speaker stops ask a follow up question to what they are talking about. This question should be something in line with whatever they were talking about with the goal of getting them to elaborate more. This allows the person speaking to fully express their thoughts and feelings without interference.
Another important tip is building trust. Children are very good at spotting hypocrisy so ‘saying one thing and doing another’ should be avoided at all costs. If you speak to your child truthfully and follow through with what you have said then trust follows. If your child trusts you they will be must more willing to open up about their true thoughts and feelings without fear of rejection. Remember, lead by example – children always pick up on both spoken and unspoken cues.
Lastly, be understanding of their feelings and thoughts. Nothing is worse than rejection, especially if that rejection comes from the people you admire, care about, and trust the most. Your children may have some subjects that are tough for them to deal with even if it doesn’t seem to give anyone else a problem. Be understanding of the way they view the world and how they feel about different situations.
The world is vastly different to each person and each person’s thoughts are valid for themselves. Show your children their ideas, thoughts, and feelings are valid by communicating with them, accepting them, and sharing your own ideas, thoughts and feelings about the world. Over time you should be able to understand each other more deeply and genuinely.
More communication tips, including tough topics:
Pre-Teens: https://raisingchildren.net.au/pre-teens/communicating-relationships
Teens: https://raisingchildren.net.au/teens/communicating-relationships
References
Raising Children Network. (2022). Retrieved November 29, 2022, from https://raisingchildren.net.au/
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